Hang Up The Damn Phone.

Is it time for cellular telephony to take a break?  There answer is wholeheartedly YES.  Social engineer and cultural icon Jordan Simkovic is spearheading a brand new anti-technology campaign:                      The Cellphone Challenge!  

“If you are on the phone or texting in public, you miss out on beauty around you. Pick two days when you dont have any urgent or pressing concerns and leave your cell phone at home. Experience the people and nature in your environment. If after two days you still feel withdrawal symptoms, you are welcome to re-enter the 21st century.” -from Facebook.com group page

I think Simkovic is onto something here. Too many cellular cyborgs are overly engrossed in meaningless conversation and text based communication.  It’s a beautiful world out there, but the magnificent marvels of the natural universe seem to be passing unnoticed as mobile telephony increasingly dominates human behavior.

Perhaps it’s time to stop and smell the roses, literally.  I’m told that our planet truly is in peril and that mother nature is trapped in a violent domestic relationship with father technology.  So get with the program, follow Simkovic’s lead and hang up the damn phone.

For more on The Cell Phone Challenge click here.

Revolving Doors.

It’s good to stop every once in a while to admire the simple things in life, especially the simple things that on second glance are really not so simple.  Today, as I was walking out of the lobby of a large midtown office building, I noticed the most peculiar thing.  One of the three revolving doors at the entranceway was missing.  A few workmen appeared to be fixing the contraption, and the large glass doors had been removed.  It looked empty and odd.  I guess this qualifies under the “sometimes you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone” column.

I’d like to take a moment to give some long overdue praise to one of the world’s most under appreciated marvels: the Revolving Door.

Apples and Honey. Aint’ Nothing Wrong With That.

 

 

Try and tell this kid that the Jewish new year ain’t a great day to be alive.  Nuff’ Said.  Love, Andy

Last Pictures. Movie Making at its Best.

If you enjoy awesome moving pictures, and God knows I do, then you NEED to check out New York’s most exciting new film production company, Last Pictures. The guys behind this cutting edge film house are serious about making movies and have a portfolio of work to prove it.

These days, it seems like anybody with a camera and some home editing software can write, shoot, and cut their own films, but Last Pictures is taking film production to a whole new level. On the heals of a hugely successful Short Film Screening: BAD THINGS, Last Pictures continues to pump out brilliantly crafted projects spanning a wide array of genres.

Check out their latest release, a heart-warming film “Sofie Can Walk.” And if you’re in the mood for a satirical take on the end-of-days, you must sneak a peak at the tantalizing trailer for “Armegeddon Outa Here!

Get your popcorn ready, because it’s time for some good old fashion movie watching, courtesy of LAST PICTURES! In case anyone is thinking about sending me some popcorn, please follow instructions: Shove as much popped popcorn as physically possible into a plasic tub, encase popcorn with 7-9 pumps of extra thick butter, drop some milk duds in any excess space for good measure. Thanks!

www.last-pictures.com

This…Is…JEOPARDY! (Not)

If there was ever a game show on television that DID NOT need any alterations, it was the venerable staple of TV quiz shows: Jeopoardy.  But the ratings wizards over at Sony Pictures Television have apparently decided that my favorite half hour of the evening needed to be spruced up.

 

I recently learned that this year the game show celebrates its 25th anniversary.  Perhaps game shows are not immune from the dreaded quarter life crisis.  According to a Jeopardy press release: there will be a new segment called “Ask Alex” where Trebek will “personally address a variety of the most frequently asked questions about the show and and and his tenure…”  I can only assume that most of the questions will concern the lifespan of Trebek’s infamous mustache and his insanely patriotic Canadian heritage.

Some extra face time for Trebek is something I can deal with (I handled Ken Jennings ridiculous run a few years back), but what follows might cause readers to spill/spit up any liquids currently in hand/mouth: “For the 25th season, an all-new arrangement of the familiar Jeopardy! Theme and Think Music has been created for the show.”  That’s right, don’t adjust your computer screen, the Jeopardy song is changing.  

Of all the things that were right and true in this world, the Jeopardy song was certainly at the top of the list, right next to Happy Birthday To You, Jingle Bells, and the Full House theme song.  Now you listen to me, you big wig executives over at Sony: Don’t Mess With My Jeopardy Song.  I don’t come over to your house and ruffle up your dinner table and place settings.

If you don’t believe what I’ve just reported, read it for yourself HERE at the Jeopardy website.

 I consider it a personal insult by the television industry.  I’m sure Trebek had a hand in this too.  Can’t you just smell his Canadian lies from miles away?  (Note: I love all Canadians).

So don’t even try to tell me I’m wrong when I say that this change was a 100% bonehead move.  It’s “aboot” the dumbest thing to come “oot” of TV Land in a long, long time.

 

Andy is BACK…with New Music!

ANDY is Back in the Race! And he’s not slowing down!

Call off the search and rescue teams, put out the smoke signal fires, and stop checking the milk carton photos. Andy is Back! For the 9 people that read this blog, including my mother and her closest friends, I offer my deepest apologies for my absence from the blog-o-sphere. I could make excuses: I was sick in bed with a terrible cold, I’m attempting to tackle a rigorous 8 credit college schedule, I was busy saving orphans from a burning building. (Two of these are true; extra points to anyone who can guess which excuse is entirely fabricated)

But right now is as good a time as any to get back on the horse and ride it straight to victory. New Music is Here! Yesterday brought new releases from some of the best bands in existence, specifically: Kings of Leon and TV On The Radio.

Kings of Leon “Only By The Night” is stripped down rock and roll soul. I mean, when these guys play music, how is it possible that womens clothing does not instantly melt? The first single, Sex on Fire, is like a rock-and-roll mating call. If I could ever actually get a girl to come home with me at the end of the night, I’d simply push play and let these guys work their magic. Bottom line: If you don’t pick up a copy of this album, you’re just asking for more lonely Saturday nights, but hey, maybe you don’t enjoy being awesome?

TV On The Radio “Dear Science” afdgshdff 4asgad fsdhdfghd 6457hdafdafa. Sorry, did you not understand those remarks? That’s because TVOTR produces music that is indescribable in human language. Credible music reviewers (I certainly am not included in this collective) struggle to give this band a label. I like to think of TVOTR’s music as a awesometasticooldeliciousfun. Dancing Choose is an eclectic blend of sounds that spans decades and genres, mainly from distant lands in the future. Warning: Listening to this album can make any individual feel much cooler and hip then he/she actually is. But who am I kidding, a little extra cool never hurt anybody!

Kings of Leon and TV on the Radio. Enough said. Hannukah came early for Andy’s ears. If only there were 7 more nights of presents…I’m hoping for new socks and a a golf instructional DVD to come my way on night number two!

Think you’ve got a better taste for music?  Then tell me I’m Wrong!

The Suburban Dinner Battle: Outback vs. Chili’s

Full Disclosure:  I don’t think I’ve been to either of these dining establishments in the past 3 years, but I can’t imagine they’ve changed by leaps and bounds.  If my memory serves me correctly, Outback serves the favorite “Bloomin Onion,” a festively presented appetizer that I will never truly understand.  Chili’s serves its patented “Big Mouth Burgers,” which are actually pretty darn delicious.

I mean come on, who hasn’t enjoyed many a Friday night dinner with the family at one of these two superb suburban staples?

Since we ARE in America, perhaps Outback needs to take second fiddle (or perhaps second Didgeridoo) to Chili’s…But I must commend the Australian themed restaurant on its catchy and inviting motto: “No Rules.  Just Right.”

Chili’s on the other hand suggests that its patrons to “Pepper in Some Fun.”  I have to wonder whether this advice is intended to be taken as literal or figurative, but I really don’t like peppers and I certainly don’t like it when someone tries to tell me how to eat.

Therefore, after a long an arduous debate, I’ve decided to send my decision Down Under and side with Outback Steakhouse.

Gooday Mate!

(Note: If anyone from the Outback Steakhouse corporation is reading this, please send me lots of free dinner vouchers.  Thank you very much.)

Things That Don’t Rock.

Burn After Reading = Waste of Time.

Sept. 13, 2008

I can’t wait until I win an Oscar, so then I can make any movie I want, with or without an actual plot and any redeeming quality.  The Coen Brothers newest release was highly anticipated, especially by me, but after catching a mid-afternoon showing today, I can safely say that it was a major disappointment.  The mega star power was neat, but the comedy element was weak.

I’m certainly no film critic, and normally I don’t condone the criticism of any piece of art, but today I was royally let down.  Feel free to see it and make your own conclusions, but in my humble opinion: Burn After Reading certainly Does Not Rock.

The Double Stuff Oreo: Great Cookie or Greatest Cookie?

What I’m about to say should not come as a surprise to many of you, but for those of you who gasp at what follows, it’s time to get with the cookie program.  Double Stuff Oreos are the GREATEST cookies of all time. It’s really pretty simple, yet amazing when you think about it.

A few years back, the high-rollers over at Nabisco had the balls to step up to the cookie blackjack table and double down on their longstanding winner, The Oreo.  What came out of that ultimate gamble was the most delicious and delectable chocolate sandwich cookie ever imagined.

Now I’ve heard some cookie monsters out there make outrageous claims like: “We need a triple stuff!” or “I want more filling!”  Take it from me, a very serious consumer of cookies: be careful what you ask for.  As much as I admire and encourage fearless eating, there’s no need to hurt oneself in search of chocolate sandwich cookie glory.

And for those of you who think you can cheat the double stuff system, I’ve got news for you.  Taking two normal Oreos, staking them together and closing your eyes as you bite will not give you any pleasure, joy or satisfaction whatsoever. Don’t try and cheat the system, because in the end you’re really only cheating yourself.

So there you have it: Double Stuff Oreos are the Greatest Cookies ever made.  Think otherwise?  Don’t even try and tell me I’m wrong.

Elevator Madness: We Want Change!

Elevators are pretty neat.  I’m told that people in England call them “lifts,” but I don’t speak British so I can’t really say if that makes any sense or not.  Here’s something I do know: we need an ELEVATOR CANCEL BUTTON and we NEED it now.

Think of all the time and productivity lost when a car stops on a floor where nobody gets in or out.  Is this not insanity?  After some extensive calculations I have determined that with the addition of cancel buttons to elevators in America’s major cities, the national workforce would save enough time to: cure cancer, send a manned mission to Mars, and Tivo 3 shows at once.   

Unfortunately, I can’t really take credit for this idea.  This seemingly simple concept been tossed around for years and many of the world’s leading thinkers have proposed such an innovation.  The sad truth is that all this talk hasn’t had the slightest effect on those fat cats who control the elevator monopoly.  It’s time the everyday man had a say.

Button pushers of the world unite!  I want an elevator cancel button and I’m certain it can be done.  Think otherwise?  Then TELL ME I’M WRONG!